Snow Lily and The Three Dorks
by hurkydoesntknow
Summary: The cast of How I Met Your Mother are featured in this fairy tale of awesomeness! Join Snow Lily as she meets a group of dwarves and hopefully finds her Prince Marshmallow. Parody of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
1. Once Upon a Time

**Hello all and welcome to my newest fanfic! A Snow White Parody that was inspired by a Scrubs parody fanfic! (all credit given for inspiration) Now, there weren't enough dwarves to come up with from the show, so I just made 3 dorks/dwarves.**

**Disclaimer: Hurky doesn't own How I Met Your Mother. All credit goes to Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.**

* * *

><p>Once upon a time, in New Fairytale City, there once lived a young princess named Snow Lily. She lived with her wicked stepmother, a queen who was also a witch. She was known throughout the land as just The Queen. She hated Snow Lily immensely and wanted her dead, not just because she was next in line for the throne if her father died, but she had such great beauty and everyone loved her no matter what.<p>

Snow Lily was sweet, she was always helping the young children of the kingdom. She was known as a great teacher and a good friend. She sang and played with the children. The parents loved her, as well. They were always inviting her over for dinner and she would teach them how to make arts and crafts.

The Queen, an middle aged woman with curly blonde hair, horn-rimmed glasses, and wore a long purple gown. She never let the villagers wear purple because it was a status symbol. Only the rich, powerful, and royalty were allowed the wear purple.

One day, she walked up to her magic mirror, who had a face and was talkative.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall," chanted The Queen. "Who's the fairest of them all?"

The mirror spoke. "The fairest of them all is Snow Lily," and showed a vision of Snow Lily, picking flowers in a field. "She is kind and graceful, no wicked spirit."

The Queen growled angrily. "She will NOT be the fairest of them all!" she screamed. "Scooter! Where is that oaf Scooter?"

"Here I am!" called a voice. A tall man with brown hair ran into the chamber. He curtsied. "What can I do for you?"

"Scooter, I need you to do me a favor," The Queen commanded. She handed Scooter a red velvet box that had a sword through a heart as a lock. "I need you to kill Snow Lily and bring me her heart in this box as proof that she's dead!"

Scooter gasped in horror. He was in love with Snow Lily and had gone to school with her. "I shall do no such thing!"

"Then let it be off with your head!" yelled the Queen.

"No, no, it's okay!" stammered Scooter, taking the box from the Queen. "I'll do it! Just don't hurt me!"

The Queen nodded in satisfaction. "Now go!" she demanded.

Scooter ran out of the chamber, horrified.

Hours later, Snow Lily ended up walking into a nearby forest. She had a full basket of flowers.

"I think I'll give these flowers to the children in my class," Snow Lily said to herself as she walked happily through the forest.

Suddenly, she heard the wind blowing through the trees and leaves rustling. Snow Lily looked around. That was when Scooter showed up on a horse, carrying a bow and arrow.

"Scooter?" Snow Lily asked in confusion.

Scooter purposely shot at Snow Lily and missed her. Snow Lily screamed and started to run, dropping her basket of flowers on the ground. The horse stepped on the flowers running after Snow Lily. The trees snagged on Snow Lily's cloak, pulling it off as she ran.

"Why are you doing this?" cried Snow Lily as she continued to run. That was when she tripped on an root that was sticking out and she fell.

Scooter stopped in front of her and he pulled out a sword and held it to the air. Snow Lily was too scared to even stand up. Then, he dropped the sword. Snow Lily stared at him in confusion.

"I can't do this!" Scooter said shakily. "The Queen wants me to kill you because you're prettier than her, but I can't do it! I love you too much! Just do yourself a favor and run away, as fast as you can. Don't look back, just keep going!"

"So you're not going to kill me?" squeaked Snow Lily.

"No, my dear Snow Lily, now go!" Scooter said as he covered his eyes and pointed south towards the end of the forest.

Snow Lily stood up and began to run again. She ran and ran and ran until her feet started to ache.

"Ugh, why did I wear these flats?" groaned Snow Lily as she walked as her feet marched forward.

Her beautiful pink and white dress was torn and dirty, her dyed-brown hair a mess and her headband was out of place. Her arms were smudged with dirt from the fall. She was tired, but she had to keep going.

"So hungry..." Snow Lily said to herself as her stomach growled.

That was when she spotted a small cottage in the distance. Snow Lily's eyes widened in happiness.

"Ooh, maybe there's food there!" she said in a hopeful voice as she began to run again with a smile on her face.

Her feet ran faster down the grassy hill. Too fast for Snow Lily to keep up with. That was when she tripped again and tumbled down the hill.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, rolling down the hill until she hit the white picket fence. "OW! SONOFABITCH!"

She stood up and rubbed her back. She walked over to the door, which she noticed was about five inches shorter than she was. She knocked on it.

"Hello?" she called. "Anyone home? I'm lost and hungry and my bitchy stepmother wants me deeeaaaaddd!"

Snow Lily knocked harder. This time, the door creaked open. She ducked inside and saw that it was dark and messy. There was a couch that looked like a fat recliner chair and the recliner chair looked like it belonged to a child. The living room was littered with papers and a small desk and chair was in the corner that had crumpled papers all around it and drawings of houses on the desk. Snow Lily walked into the kitchen and saw a table with four small chairs next to a medium sized refrigerator and stove.

"Why is everything so tiny?" Snow Lily asked herself as she walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. She was relieved to find normal sized food. "Oh good, at least the food isn't tiny."

Snow Lily continued to explore the place. She noticed there was a bedroom that had three twin-sized beds but they were all short. One bed said "Ted", another said "Barney", and the last one said "Robin" on the headboards. She giggled to herself until she noticed the room itself was dirty.

"Ew!" she said to herself. The beds were unmade (except for Barney's bed) and she noticed clothes were strewn everywhere. She looked inside the closet and found at least thirty to fifty mini-suits hanging (which Snow Lily also giggled at).

So Snow Lily picked up a broom and began to sweep the floors, which were very dusty. After sweeping all the floors, she grabbed a mop and bucket, filled the bucket with soapy water, and began to mop the floors. She washed the dishes, cleaned the counters in the kitchen, wiped off the stove, threw all the loose clothes into a hamper bin, and made the beds.

When she was done cleaning, Snow Lily peeked inside the refrigerator again and looked around to see what she could find. She noticed some carrots, onions, some celery, and a chunk of beef. She chopped up the vegetables and cut up the meat. Next, she went to the pantry and grabbed whatever spices she could find along with some flour. She covered the meat chunks in flour and fried them up in the pan until they were browned. She threw everything into a large pot of water and threw in spices, seasoning to her liking. After that, Snow Lily snacked on some string cheese she found in the fridge, as well.

"There we go!" she said happily as she took a step back and took a good look at her work. That was when she yawned. "I'm so tired, now...all that running around..."

She walked over to the bedrooms and lied down on Ted's bed, curled up, and fell asleep...

* * *

><p>The sun set for the day, and a small Ted, Barney, and Robin were all walking through the forest, tired after a long day of working.<p>

"I'm so gonna bang that one chick..." Barney said out loud.

"Barney, she's a person of normal height," said Ted. "No one's gonna want to have sex with a midget."

"We're dwarves!" shouted Barney.

Robin rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's just go home and order some takeout," she suggested.

The two men crossed their arms and walked behind Robin. Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks and Barney and Ted bumped into her.

"What gives?" asked Barney.

"I think there's someone in our house," Robin said quietly as she took careful steps towards their house.

The lights to the house were on and smoke was coming out of the chimney.

"Be very-" Ted said until Barney cut him off and charged towards the house.

"CHAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGEEEE!" Barney yelled.

"BARNEY, YOU IDIOT!" Ted and Robin yelled as they ran after him.

Barney busted through the front door and stopped in his tracks. "Oh my God, we've been robbed!" he yelled.

Ted and Robin ran in and stared at the place.

"It looks like they cleaned it," Ted said in astonishment.

Robin sniffed the air. She closed her eyes. "Mmm..." she said. "Something smells good."

The trio walked into the kitchen and found the pot of stew simmering on the stove. Barney left them to go check on his suits.

"Are my suits okay?" he asked worriedly. He opened the closet and found them all there. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. They're here. Daddy won't let anyone take you guys away!"

He turned around and found Snow Lily, asleep. He jumped up and yelled.

"Guys, you better see this, quick!"

Ted and Robin ran in.

"Barney, what's-" Ted asked until he saw Snow Lily, snoring gently on his bed. "It's a person."

"A full sized person!" Barney declared. "Hey, do you guys think she'll want to have s-"

"NO!" shouted Ted and Robin.

Snow Lily opened her eyes and yawned. She blinked to clear her vision and found the dwarves standing there. Her eyes widened, fully awake. She gasped.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" she cried.

Robin pulled out a shotgun. Snow Lily screamed.


	2. Of Princes and Teacup Pigs

"Robin!" cried Ted, grabbing the shotgun away from Robin.

"What?" asked Robin. "I wasn't going to shoot her, I was just trying to get her to talk!"

"Don't mind her," said Ted in a more calm voice. "Why don't you tell us who you are?"

Snow Lily sat up in the bed. "My name is Snow Lily," she introduced herself.

"Wait, THE Snow Lily of the kingdom?" asked Barney.

Snow Lily nodded.

Barney's blue eyes lit up. "That's suit capital!" he exclaimed. He went over to shake Snow Lily's hand. "Pleased to meet ya, I'm Barney, but you can call me The Barnacle! Can you tell me more about the kingdom and the suit industry?"

Ted and Robin pulled Barney back.

"Forgive Barney," said Robin. "I'm Robin."

"And I'm Ted," said Ted. "I know, we're not your average, 'people people', but we're hardworking people."

Snow Lily smiled. "You guys have a lovely home," she said.

"Thanks," Robin said with a smile. "I try to keep this place cleaned, but Hurricane Ted and Hurricane Barney, you know, tear it up."

"I hope I didn't do anything bad," Snow Lily said nervously. "I found this place a mess and I decided to clean it up."

"No problem," said Ted. "It was a nice gesture, just don't touch my architect desk."

"Oh, I didn't!" Snow Lily raised her hands in defense. "I didn't know whether to throw those out, so I left them alone."

"So how did you end up here, Snow Lily?" asked Robin.

Snow Lily sighed. "Well, I live in New Fairytale City with my stepmother, but today, she sent my former high school stalker after me to try and kill me." she began. "But he didn't kill me and instead told me to leave and never come back before my stepmother found out. I was tired and hungry and then I stumbled upon this place and I cooked, cleaned, and then I needed a nap. But now that you guys have found me, I'm going to have to leave and I have nowhere else to gooo..."

She began to cry and buried her face in her hands. Robin sat on the bed with Snow Lily and rubbed her back.

"Hey, it's okay," she said soothingly. "We're not going to throw you out into the woods. You can stay here as long as it's fine with Ted and Barney."

Snow Lily looked up with wet, puppy dog eyes. "Please?" she begged.

Ted smiled. "It's fine with me!" he said. "Barney?"

"Sleep with me and you've got yourself a deal!" Barney said gleefully.

"BARNEY!" shouted Ted and Robin.

"Okay, okay, you can stay!" Barney said disappointedly. Then his face lit up. "This is going to be super awesome! A princess in our house!"

Snow Lily smiled and wrapped her arms around all three in a hug. "Oh, thank you so, so much!" she said happily. "Don't worry, I'm not lazy! I'll cook and clean and take care of _everything_!"

And so, Ted, Robin, Barney, and Snow Lily all sat down to dinner and ate together. Everyone was enjoying themselves. Barney popped open a bottle of scotch and shared it with the group. After that, Ted gave up his bed so Snow Lily could have a place to sleep while he took the couch. Snow Lily was exhausted after a long day, so she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow...

* * *

><p>The next morning, Snow Lily woke up early and made the group breakfast with what she could find. She managed to make omelettes with cheese, toast, and hashbrowns she made herself from the bag of potatoes sitting in the corner. Ted, Robin, and Barney were surprised when they walked into the kitchen for breakfast.<p>

"Nice going, Snow Lily!" Barney said, holding out a hand. "High five!"

Snow Lily smiled and slapped Barney a high five.

"I apologize for our lack of variety in food," Robin said. "We haven't had time to go grocery shopping, but you can come with us when we go later this afternoon."

"I'd love that," Snow Lily said happily.

"We also need to find you something else to wear," Robin continued. "I know you're not used to normal people's clothes, but-"

"-Oh no, I made this dress myself," Snow Lily explained. "I usually don't have anything to do when I'm not with children or people, so I sew and make things in my free time. I can just make myself a new dress! Do you have any fabric?"

"In the closet," Ted spoke up, sipping on his orange juice.

Snow Lily walked over to the closet and pulled out several rolls of fabric in pink, blue, yellow, red, black, white, and green. She took them to the couch, sat down, and pulled out a small box from the pocket of her dress. She took out some scissors and began to cut into some of the fabrics. Within fifteen minutes, she was already finishing sewing some short sleeves onto the rest of a blue and yellow dress that flowed to the knees.

"And here...we...go!" she said happily, holding out the dress. "One new dress!"

Robin's jaw dropped. "Amazing!" she said excitedly.

"I can make some things for you if you'd like," offered Snow Lily.

"When you get spare time," said Robin. "Don't worry about it."

"No, I can make you some right now!" said Snow Lily. "The place is already cleaned up and I have nothing else to do but clean up the kitchen mess."

"Great!" said Robin.

In a course of two hours, and thanks to Robin's height, Snow Lily was able to make twelve colorful dresses for Robin. This made Robin smile and try on all the dresses. This also made the guys roll their eyes.

After lunch of leftover beef stew, everyone went out into town to go buy some groceries. Snow Lily and Robin wore their new dresses out on the town while the guys went to go drink.

"So how come you live with Barney and Ted?" asked Snow Lily while she walked with a big bag of groceries.

"It's a long story," replied Robin. "I used to date both of them, you know, at separate times."

"Isn't that awkward?" asked Snow Lily.

"It was, at first, but now I've gotten used to it," replied Robin. "I only live with them because they were the only ones who would take me in when I got thrown out of my old house."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Snow Lily.

They walked by a shop that had teacup pigs grunting in the window. Snow Lily stopped and stared at them.

"AAAAWWWWWWW!" she squealed. "These piggies are SO CUTE!"

"They look like real treasures," said a male voice.

Snow Lily turned to her left and saw a tall man wearing a fedora and a black cloak. She smiled at him. He looked down at her and smiled.

"I've never seen anything like this before!" Snow Lily said excitedly to him.

"You not from around here?" asked the man.

"Um, I just moved here yesterday!" lied Snow Lily.

"Well, then, welcome to the village," said the man, raising his hat. He turned to the pigs. "Close your eyes and hold out your hands."

Snow Lily closed her eyes for a few minutes. She wondered what he was going to do. Was he going to do a magic trick or something?

Suddenly, she felt something warm and soft being placed into her hands.

"Okay, open them!" said the man.

Snow Lily opened her eyes and found a teacup pig in her hands. Her jaw dropped in surprise.

"OHMYGOSH!" she squealed happily. "Is this little guy for me?"

"As a welcoming gift," said the man with a smile and a raise of his hat. "Nice to meet you."

With that, he walked away with Snow Lily standing there, holding the small pig. Robin walked over to her.

"Where did you get that pig?" asked Robin.

"That guy in the cloak and hat gave it to me," Snow Lily replied, pointing at the man who was walking to the east.

"Oh, that guy?" asked Robin. "That's Prince Marshall."

"Prince?" asked Snow Lily in surprise. "He was so nice! I mean, the princes I used to meet were all either creepy dorks or too stuck up, but this guy..."

"That's weird, though," Robin said, crossing her arms. "Prince Marshall never usually talks to people when he's out."

She stared at Prince Marshall dreamily as he mounted his horse and galloped away...

* * *

><p>"No, we can't keep this pig!" said Barney over dinner that night.<p>

"Why not?" asked Snow Lily.

"Because it may tear up all my suits!" cried Barney.

"Shut up, Barney," Ted said in annoyance. He looked over at Snow Lily. "No one EVER meets Prince Marshall. It's cool that he gave you the teacup pig."

Snow Lily smiled adoringly at the small pig, who was eating by the door.

"So what did you name it?" asked Robin.

"I named it Snow Pig," replied Snow Lily.

"La-ame!" sang Barney.

"Want me to throw you out again, Barney?" asked Robin.

"No," squeaked Barney.

"Then behave!" yelled Robin.

That night, as Snow Lily lied in bed, trying to fall asleep, she could not help but to think about Prince Marshall. She smiled to herself as she held a sleeping Snow Pig close to herself. She was able to fall asleep with these words in her head...

_I think I'm in love with Prince Marshall..._


	3. A Great Day

The next day, Ted, Barney, and Robin all had to go to work, so Snow Lily decided to pack them a lunch before they went.

"Uh, no thanks," Barney said in disgust when Snow Lily tried to give him a lunch in a brown paper bag.

"But it's good for you!" pleaded Snow Lily.

"I know, but I only eat takeout," said Barney.

"You eat my cooking," Snow Lily pointed out.

"Because it tastes like takeout!" Barney shot back. "What's in here, anyway?"

"Peanut butter and jelly," said Snow Lily.

"Nope, allergic to peanuts," said Barney as he walked away.

Robin and Ted graciously took their lunches from Snow Lily and set off on their way. When they left, Snow Lily decided to do the laundry. Barney and Ted broke the washing machine when they were playing a drinking game and destroyed the washing machine (Barney says "Don't ask how we did it," but Ted and Robin admitted that they dared Barney into trying to have sex with it), so they were unable to afford a new one. Well, Barney could, but he lies and tells his friends he is broke to avoid people bothering him for money. This issue made Snow Lily resorting to handwashing their laundry.

At first, it wasn't an easy task. Snow Lily's hands were getting hurt from the washboard and she kept slipping on the water.

"I really wish they didn't dare Barney to try and do the washing machine!" Snow Lily whined to Snow Pig.

"_Grunt_," grunted Snow Pig.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"I wonder who that could be?" Snow Lily asked herself. She went to the door, opened it, and saw that Prince Marshall was standing there, wearing his fedora and cloak.

"Hi, I'm looking for...The Queen of New Fairytale City?" he asked, reading from a piece of paper. He looked up and smiled. "Oh, it's you! You live here?"

"Y-yeah!" stuttered Snow Lily. "With three dwarves."

"Wait, I think I know who they are," said Prince Marshall.

"You do?" asked Snow Lily.

"Yeah, the one in the suit goes around messing with people, one's an architect, and the other one is a gun-toter," answered Prince Marshall.

"Word really gets around here, huh?" asked Snow Lily.

"It's a small village," Prince Marshall said with a shrug. "These people have nothing better to do all day."

"_Grunt, grunt, grunt..."_ grunted Snow Pig as it walked over and sniffed Prince Marshall's boots.

"I see you're taking care of the teacup pig I gave you," commented Prince Marshall. "Did you give it a name?"

"Yes!" nodded Snow Lily. "Snow Pig."

Prince Marshall smiled. "Cute name," he said cooly. "Anyway, you know where this lady is?"

Snow Lily looked at the paper Prince Marshall had in his hand. She gulped. This was her evil stepmother, The Queen, and the prince was off to go visit her? What was his business with her?

_I can't tell Prince Marshall that The Queen is my stepmother and that she tried to kill me! Oh, please tell me he's not going out with that evil bitch!_ thought Snow Lily. _Wait, maybe if I give him the wrong directions? Yeah, that'll work!_

"I'm going to a funeral," explained Prince Marshall. "The princess there was killed."

"The princess?" asked Snow Lily with a squeak in her voice. "Killed? By what, mind me asking?"

"Something about a stalker, found her and killed her," replied Prince Marshall. "Honestly, I don't want to go to that thing."

"You don't have to!" exclaimed Snow Lily while waving her hands. "I'm from New Fairytale City, and I know how these funerals go. It's mostly just sitting there and listening to someone give this _really_ long eulogy and then at the reception, they only serve dry fried chicken and pizza that tastes like cardboard, not to mention hot and flat beer! It's all food The Queen likes!" _Way to lie on the spot, Snow Lily!_

"Damn, really?" asked Prince Marshall. He snorted. "I'm going 100 miles to some random kingdom for crappy food? Screw that, I'm going home, then."

He began to turn around and leave but Snow Lily called after him.

"Wait, do you want something to drink before you go back?" she asked. "Water? Milk? Juice? Beer?"

"Did you say 'beer'?" asked Prince Marshall as he turned around.

Snow Lily smiled and nodded. "Ice cold,"

Prince Marshall tied up his horse and went inside. He had to duck lower because of his height. He was much taller than Snow Lily.

"So, this is a dwarf house?" asked Prince Marshall as he sat down at the table in the kitchen and took off his fedora.

"Yup!" said Snow Lily as she popped open two bottles of beer. She handed one to Prince Marshall. "Here you go!"

"Awesome," lamented Prince Marshall before taking a long drink. "Ahh, that's good...where do you get this beer?"

"My friends got it," replied Snow Lily. "But I think it was from the village."

Prince Marshall nodded. "By the way, I never got your name," he said.

"My name is Snow Lily," introduced Snow Lily. "And you are?"

"Just call me Marshall," said Prince Marshall.

"Okay...Marshall!" said Snow Lily with a giggle.

Prince Marshall looked behind Snow Lily and saw the mess of laundry. "Um, mind me asking, but do you need help with that?" he asked while pointing at the laundry.

"Oh!" exclaimed Snow Lily. "The washing machine is broke, long story! But if you don't mind!"

"No problem," said Prince Marshall. "I used to do this as a kid before my parents let me touch machines."

He got up and went over to the laundry sink and took off his gloves, where he quickly scrubbed and cleaned everything up, including Barney's suits, which needed extra special care.

"What's with all the suits?" asked Prince Marshall as he put one of the suit shirts into a basket after scrubbing.

"That's my friend Barney's," replied Snow Lily as she roller her eyes. "Be careful with them! They're like his children to him!"

Prince Marshall took one of the suits and stared at it. "More like his girlfriend!" he joked. He looked at the suit. "Would you care to dance with me?" He changed voices to a higher pitch. "Why, I'd love to, Barney!"

He began to waltz with the suit, making Snow Lily laugh hysterically.

"Ohmygosh, that is SO Barney!" she laughed.

Prince Marshall stopped dancing with the suit and put it in the basket. "Alright, let's go hang these bad boys."

So they went outside and hung everything on the clothesline. Right when they were finished, Robin, Ted, and Barney were walking down the hill.

"Hi!" shouted Snow Lily as she waved.

"Hi Snow Lily," said the group.

"Who's he?" asked Barney.

"I'm Marshall," said Prince Marshall, bending down to shake hands with Ted, Barney, and Robin.

"What brings you all the way over here, Marshall?" asked Ted.

"I was just in the neighborhood," replied Prince Marshall. "Checking up on 'lil Snow Pig."

"Wait, you're the one who gave her Snow Pig?" asked Ted with a smile. "Cute little guy. Barney hates it, though."

"He already pooped on my suit!" whined Barney.

"So you're the suit guy?" Prince Marshall asked Barney.

"Yeah, the Barnacle!" said Barney as he struck a pose.

Everyone laughed.

"What?" asked Barney. "The ladies LOVE me!"

"No they don't," whispered Snow Lily to Prince Marshall, who snickered.

"Anyway, I gotta get going," said Prince Marshall. "Getting dark and all."

"You don't wanna stay for dinner?" asked Snow Lily.

"Sorry, can't," said Prince Marshall. "I wish I could, though."

"Then let me get you something," said Snow Lily, walking to the house. "I'll be right back."

She went inside and came back out with Barney's lunch from earlier. She handed it to Prince Marshall, who was already on his horse.

"Something for the road," said Snow Lily.

"Thanks, Snow Lily," said Prince Marshall. "Anyway, nice to meet you all. Catch you later!"

With that, he began to ride off. Snow Lily smiled and stared as he rode away. Robin went over to her.

"I take you're happy?" she asked her.

"Very!" squealed Snow Lily.


	4. The Apple

It had been several weeks. Things were going smoothly. Snow Lily would tend to the house while her friends were at work. Prince Marshall had not stopped by since that one day when he had a beer with Snow Lily, which made her feel a little sad, but she had Snow Pig to remind her of him.

One day, the mail came and there was something in it for Snow Lily.

"Hmm, Snow Lily, you have something," said Ted as he shuffled through the mail and handed Snow Lily an envelope.

"What is it?" asked Snow Lily.

She examined the envelope. It was a weird looking envelope. Instead of being an adhesive, it was tied together with a gold ribbon. Snow Lily untied the ribbon and then suddenly, confetti burst out of the envelope and scattered onto the floor.

"'You and your friends are cordially invited to the Grand Village Gala!'" Snow Lily read aloud. "'Please dress accordingly, signed Prince Marshall! P.S., We hope you can make it!'"

"A gala?" Robin asked excitedly. "We're all invited?"

"Yup!" squealed Snow Lily as she ran to Robin and jumped for joy with her until she hit her head on the ceiling. "Ow!"

"Well, then," said Barney as he sipped on his brandy. "This calls for a SUIT UP!"

At that very moment, The Queen walked over to her mirror, smiling evilly.

"Mirror mirror, on the wall," she chanted. "Who's the fairest of them all?"

"Still Snow Lily," spoke the mirror.

"WHAT?" boomed The Queen. "That's impossible! I sent Scooter to kill her! She's supposed to be dead!"

"Alas, but Scooter has failed in killing her," said the mirror. He showed a vision of Snow Lily beginning work on a dress for the Grand Village Gala. "She is currently hiding out in a village that is 60 miles from here. She is residing with dwarves."

The Queen pounded a fist on the table. "This can't be!" she yelled. "SCOOTER! GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE! NOW!"

Scooter immediately ran into the chamber and curtsied.

"Hello, your Majesty!" he said. "You called?"

"Yes, where is the box I gave you that's supposed to have Snow Lily's heart in it?" asked The Queen.

Scooter gulped. "Y-you mean the one over there?" he said, pointing to the mantel where a fire was burning.

"Yes," said The Queen. "Open it."

Scooter nervously inched over to the box and picked it up. He unlocked it and opened it to reveal...

"A chicken leg?" screamed the Queen. "I'm done with you!"

Right then, she turned Scooter into stone. She ruthlessly threw the box to the side and went into her secret room behind the bookcase. She began to work on mixing elixirs and potions together. When she got the right concoction together, she grabbed an apple from the bowl above the table on the shelf and dipped it into the mixture, making sure every inch of it was coated.

"Yes, this will do the trick," said The Queen as she held the apple, which turned bright red in her hand. "One bite of this apple, and she will be dead!"

The next morning, Snow Lily's friends had all gone to work when Snow Lily began to bake pies. She was hard at work, making the crusts and cutting up fruit for them. She was cooling the pies when there was a knock on the door.

Snow Lily walked over and opened the door. She found The Queen, only unrecognizeable since she was dressed up like an old woman.

"Hello, dearie," said The Queen in an old lady British accent. "I'm from the apple farm that's ten miles down the road, would you care for some apples?"

"Oh no," said Snow Lily, shaking her head. "I already have apples. I'm making them into a pie for a friend."

"That's quite lovely," said The Queen. "Surely, would you at least like a free apple? Nice, red, and delicious!"

She picked up the poisoned red apple from the basket in her hand and showed it to Snow Lily.

"That is _the_ brightest apple I have ever seen!" said Snow Lily in astonishment.

"And it's yours!" said The Queen, taking Snow Lily's hand and placing the apple in it. "Take a bite, won't you, dearie?"

Snow Lily looked into the apple. She could see her reflection in it, as it was very shiny.

"Listen, you'll hurt my feelings if you don't take a bite," pleaded The Queen. "And you won't like it when my feelings are hurt."

"Okay," said Snow Lily as she took a bite from the apple and chewed. "Mmm...it's really good! Do you have any more of these? I'd like to bake them into-"

"-Didn't your mother teach you not to talk with your mouth full?" snapped The Queen.

"I'm sorry," apologized Snow Lily. "It's really juicy, I can't help it!" She swallowed. "There we-"

She was cut off mid-sentence when the poisoned apple took its toll and Snow Lily dropped to the ground, with the bitten apple rolling out of her hand. The Queen began to laugh.

"Yes! She's finally dead!" The Queen cackled. With that, she ran off into the forest...

That evening, Ted, Barney, and Robin were walking in the grassy fields, coming home from work.

"I tell you, Bilson's on my ass about the new corporate building!" Ted said in an irritated voice.

"You know, Ted, there's something I always tell people," spoke up Barney. "And that's-"

"-Wait a second, isn't that Snow Pig?" interrupted Robin.

Snow Pig was running to the group, squealing frantically.

"Snow Pig!" cried Robin as she picked up the small pig. "What's wrong?"

Ted and Barney caught sight of what happened.

"Uh, I think that answers your question," said Barney as he and Ted began to run to the house.

"Wait for me!" called Robin as she began to run.

They caught up to the house where they found Snow Lily lying there with the apple still next to her.

"Oh no," gasped Robin.

Barney checked for a pulse. "She's dead," he said sadly...


	5. The Battle

It was a very sad time for Ted, Barney, and Robin. Their friend Snow Lily was dead and gone. They took her body to a nearby cave and Barney paid for a glass coffin (which was shocking to Ted and Robin, which Barney said, "She's too pretty to be put in a regular coffin,") and surrounded it with jewels and the prettiest of flowers. Robin helped dress Snow Lily into her completed Grand Village Gala dress, which was a long, flowing purple dress made from the fanciest materials. Robin dyed the dress purple for her before Snow Lily's death.

The funeral was scheduled for the following day. As Ted, Robin, and Barney were getting ready for the funeral, there was a knock on the door. Robin went to answer it and there stood Prince Marshall.

"Marshall?" Robin asked, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see Snow Lily," said Prince Marshall. "You know where she is?"

"I'm sorry, but she's dead," said Robin.

"What?" cried Prince Marshall. "What happened?"

"We found her dead with an apple next to her," explained Ted.

Prince Marshall walked in and sat on the couch, putting his head in his hands. "I can't believe this,"

Robin put a hand on Prince Marshall's shoulder. "We can't, either,"

Barney shook his head as he heard Snow Pig, squealing by the garbage can in the kitchen. "Snow Pig, will you stop that annoying squealing?" he yelled at the pig.

Ted, however, was onto something. "Wait," he said, running to the kitchen, where he found Snow Pig squealing at the garbage. The apple that Snow Lily bit into and died from, was on top, still shiny, but the flesh of the apple was turning brown. Ted picked up the apple. "Why is this apple still good?"

Prince Marshall took the apple from Ted and sniffed it. He wrinkled his nose at the vile smell. "Ew," he said. "I think it was poisoned."

"What?" cried Barney and Robin in unison.

"Someone must have given Snow Lily this apple," explained Prince Marshall. "But who gave it to her?"

The gang remained silent. Who would give Snow Lily an apple out of nowhere? They began to piece the puzzle together.

"I remember Snow Lily telling me her stepmother was trying to kill her, which was how she ended up here in the first place," Robin said as she rubbed her chin.

"And she's a princess!" declared Barney. "But who is her stepmother? A queen, I take?"

"And she's from New Fairytale City!" exclaimed Ted as he held a finger up in the air. "I think I know who killed Snow Lily! The Queen of New Fairytale City! Guys, we have to go there!"

"And do what?" asked Robin. "Kill the queen?"

"Yes!" chorused Prince Marshall, Ted, and Barney.

"Road trip!" yelled Barney.

"But how will we get to New Fairytale City?" asked Ted. "We don't even have a horse!"

Prince Marshall grinned. "I've got a horse," he said. "We can all just take _my_ horse! Come on!"

Everyone ran out of the house and jumped onto Prince Marshall's horse with the dwarves riding behind.

"Come on, as fast as you can!" yelled Marshall as he rode.

"_Neigh_!" whinnied the horse.

By the time they reached New Fairytale City, it was getting dark. Everyone got off of the horse and stared up at the castle where The Queen lived.

"There it is," Prince Marshall said sternly. "Let's take that bitch down!"

"But how are we going to get in?" asked Ted. "She's got the place surrounded!"

He was right. There were female guards all over the place.

"Let _me_ take care of them!" said Barney as he removed his tie and ran to the front of the castle. "HEY! I'M A PRINCE! WHO WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME? WHAT UP?"

"GET HIM!" yelled one of the guards as she and ten other guards went to go stop Barney.

"Okay, go, go, GO!" Ted whispered to Prince Marshall and Robin as they all crept to the entrance and ducked inside.

"Wow, fancy..." Robin said in awe as she saw the most fanciest place in her life. The floors were made of marble, chandeliers adorned the ceilings, but instead of lights on the side of the walls, there were torches.

"You call this fancy?" asked Prince Marshall. "More like a dungeon."

"Guys, quit staring and find the Queen!" Ted reminded everyone.

"Wait, how are we going to kill her?" asked Robin. "We're not armed!"

"Uh, hello?" asked Prince Marshall. "I'm a _prince_! I _have_ to carry weapons everywhere I go!"

He opened his cloak and revealed that he was carrying a bow and arrow, crossbow, hand guns, paintball guns, and bombs, in addition to the sword he was carrying.

"Take your pick!" he said gleefully.

Robin grabbed two hand guns and Ted took a crossbow. Prince Marshall pulled out his sword, shiny and encrusted with blue jewels on a silver handle. They all began to run, trying to find out where the Queen was located.

"Okay, Robin, you take the east side, Marshall, you're going to take the west, and I'll go north!" directed Ted. "Break!"

The group broke up, with Robin taking east, Prince Marshall taking west, and Ted taking north. Ted was just about to begin exploring when suddenly, Prince Marshall came running to Ted, screaming.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" he yelled as he ran. "COCKAMICE!"

"Cockamice?" repeated Ted when suddenly, about a hundred creatures that were a half-mouse, half-cockroach that were running behind Marshall. Ted screamed and began to run after Marshall. "COCKAMICE!"

Meanwhile, Robin heard the screams of Ted and Prince Marshall. She ran in the other direction and found Ted and Prince Marshall, holding onto a stuffed bear (taxidermist stuffed). Robin's jaw dropped open.

"What are you-" she was going to ask when she saw the cockamice. She cocked the guns in her hands and began to shoot at them. One by one, until she ran out of bullets. The guns clicked. "Uh-oh."

The cockamice crawled closer, squeak-roaring. Robin gulped.

"We're screwed," she said.

"Wait, Marshall, you've got bombs!" shouted Ted. "Use them!"

Prince Marshall fiddled in his cloak and grabbed a bomb. He pressed a button and threw it onto the ground. "Go get it!"

The remaining cockamice ran after the bomb and after five more seconds, an explosion sounded. All of the cockamice died.

"YES!" cheered Prince Marshall and Ted, getting down from the bear.

"SUIT UP!" yelled a familiar voice.

Everyone looked up and saw Barney, grinning from ear to ear.

"BARNEY!" everyone shouted.

"Barney, how did you make it back?" asked Prince Marshall.

"Oh, it was AWESOME," said Barney. "All those women on top of me! High five!"

He held out his hand. Ted slapped him a high five.

"He's earned it," he said.

A cackle sounded. The gang ran to where it was coming from. They found Scooter, frozen in stone.

"Guys, I think I know what to do," said Barney, rolling up his sleeves. He grabbed the stone. "Stoneiferous, unfreeze!"

Magically, Scooter became unfrozen. Scooter held out his hands, staring at them, and smiled.

"I'm free!" he said happily. He saw Barney. "Oh, thank you!" He hugged him.

"Don't mention it," said Barney (in real life, their actors are partners, which was why I just _had_ to write this!). "Now run! Before the Queen sees you!"

"Wait, you guys are going to fight the queen?" asked Scooter.

"Yes, what is her weakness?" asked Barney.

"She doesn't exactly have a weakness," said Scooter. "You need to hit her where it hurts. Her heart."

"Thanks, buddy," said Barney. He turned to the gang, who were all still staring at Barney in shock. "What?"

"H-how did you unfreeze him?" asked Ted as Scooter ran off.

"I'm a magician?" said Barney. (in real life, his actor is an illusionist and is a fan of magic) "I know magic?"

"Why didn't you use it to bring Snow Lily back to life?" demanded Robin.

"I don't have _that_ kind of magic!" protested Barney.

"Well, your magic would have been useful in other situations!" Ted said. "Like when you had sex with the washing machine!"

"I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THE WASHING MACHINE!"

"Guys!" cried Prince Marshall.

The three were still arguing.

"Forget it!" Prince Marshall pulled out his sword and began to run towards The Queen's room. He found it and kicked the door down, where he found the Queen sitting and drinking a glass of wine. "You!"

The Queen put down her glass of wine. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" she asked.

Prince Marshall pointed his sword out at The Queen. "You're going down, bitch!" he yelled.

The Queen knocked over her glass of wine and turned into a large, black dragon with large horns. She began to breathe fire.

"Oh crap..." Prince Marshall said, scared. "I didn't think she'd turn into a dragon."

The Queen breathed more fire, causing Prince Marshall to tumble behind the couch.

_I need some kind of shield,_ Prince Marshall thought to himself._ Think Marshall, think! What would Dad do in this kind of situation?_

A vision of his dad, King Marvin Sr, appeared in Prince Marshall's head._ "Marshall," he spoke. "If you're ever in a situation where you have to slay a dragon, do what I would do. RUN!"_

_Sounds like a plan!_ King Marshall thought as he began to run out of the room. He found his friends, still arguing. "Guys, RUN! DRAGON!"

"Dragon?" questioned Ted.

He saw The Queen stomping out of the chamber as a dragon.

"DRAGON!" screamed Ted as he, Barney, and Robin ran away.

The Queen slithered through the halls. As she did that, parts of the castle came crashing down behind her.

"Anybody got a plan?" huffed Robin.

"What about the guns?" asked Ted.

"I used up all the bullets on the cockamice, remember?" reminded Robin.

Prince Marshall suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.

"What are you doing, Marshall?" cried Ted.

"Hit or miss," said Prince Marshall, pulling out his bow and aiming his sword towards the dragon. Luckily, it pierced the dragon through the heart and she roared.

"Nice shot!" complimented Barney. "High five!"

Everyone else was too busy staring at the Queen, who was dying in front of them. Finally, she gave in and fell, tearing half of the castle apart.

"YEAH!" cheered Prince Marshall.

But this was no time to celebrate. The castle was coming down in a matter of minutes. The gang began to rush out of the castle, with stone and debris falling, statues collapsing. They made it out just in time as the entire castle crashed down to the ground.

"Everyone okay?" asked Prince Marshall.

"More than okay, we're AWESOME!" whooped Barney.


	6. Happily Ever After

The sun was rising by the time Prince Marshall and the gang got back to Snow Lily, who was lying lifelessly in her glass coffin. Snow Pig was there, grunting. The gang went over to the coffin and began to bow their heads and grieve.

"Snow Lily..." Prince Marshall said sadly as he knelt down towards Snow Lily's face. Her ivory skin, her dark hair, her pink lips, all gone to a waste. Prince Marshall opened the glass coffin, and began to inch closer to Snow Lily's Face. His lips touched hers.

"Ew..." said Barney, grossed out. "You're kissing a dead body?"

Prince Marshall continued to kiss Snow Lily until he finally could no longer kiss her. He bowed his head in sadness.

That was when Snow Lily's eyes fluttered open, returning to life. She sat up and Ted, Barney, and Robin all gasped in delight.

"Marshall?" asked Snow Lily.

Prince Marshall looked up and saw Snow Lily, alive. "Snow Lily!" he said happily. "You're alive!"

Snow Pig jumped into Snow Lily's lap. Snow Lily hugged the pig. Marshall smiled and lifted up both Snow Lily and Snow Pig. The rest of the gang cheered...

That night, in a celebration, Prince Marshall and Snow Lily got married. The Grand Village Gala was held as the reception. Ted was suited up, but surprisingly, Barney was not fully suited up, with the lack of a tie. Robin wore a flowing silk gown, pink and purple and she wore glittering jewels on her neck, ears, and wrists. She was also holding a satin pillow which sat Snow Pig wearing a cloak with jewels, grunting happily as he ate scraps.

"Presenting!" announced a guard. "Prince Marshall and Princess Snow Lily!"

The crowd cheered as Prince Marshall, in a fedora and a fancy suit, walked in linking arms with Snow Lily, who was wearing a dazzling white gown and a tiara.

"I'm so happy for them," Robin said sweetly. "What a wonderful ending."

Ted nodded in a agreement. Someone tapped him on the shoulder and turned to find a woman his height, wearing a flowing blue gown and wearing a blue eye mask.

"Hi, I was wondering if you'd like to dance with me?" she asked.

Ted smiled. "I'd love to," he said. He took the woman's hand and took her to the dance floor, where he began to dance with her.

Barney stood by himself, leaning against the wall and drinking a glass of wine. Robin went over to him.

"Hey Barney, I think those women are staring at you," she said, pointing to the other side of the room.

"Really?" asked Barney, looking to where Robin was pointing across the room, where two very pretty women, one with blonde hair and the other brown haired, staring and smiling at Barney. They walked over to Barney.

"Hi," the blonde said. "My name is Candi!"

"And I'm Anna," said the brunette.

"Ladies!" said Barney. "I am the great Barnabus! Shall we take our business elsewhere?"

"Sure!" said Candi.

Barney took the hands of the girls and walked away.

After The Queen was defeated, Snow Lily's father had his castle rebuilt and he continued to rule while Snow Lily lived with Prince Marshall in his castle. They also had Ted, Robin, and Barney all move into the palace.

Ted was able to quit his job so he could become the Official Architect of their kingdom. The masked woman he danced with later turned out to be the mother of his children and they eventually got married.

Barney had slept with the two women from the gala, so he finally got laid. He eventually ended up with over two hundred suits and counting.

Robin became a reporter for the kingdom and remained Snow Lily's best friend.

Snow Lily lived happily ever after with Prince Marshall. She was currently expecting their child, a son.

The End.


End file.
